Human life is always at balance between inferiority and superiority complexes. We make so many mistakes based on such complexes, dominating others or submitting to the domination of others. However, one day we have to wake up, have true confidence and be more authentic without these games of inferiority or superiority, without harming others and ourselves.
When one can see ones own mind without negative or positive prejudices or distortions one begins to see ones whole world without these distortions as well. One stops having opinions about other people’s characteristics and can really see what their minds are like with their past and present thoughts and emotions. All that the awakened mind sees are the dynamics of actions and reactions of minds. The previous actions have built a reality in the present and the actions of the present will create a reality for the future. It does not matter if one dies in debt of previous actions because they continue attached to the mind and the soul and seek to be reborn in the human body to pay those debts in another incarnation. Everything that one brings from genetic inheritance and the conditions of the environment of birth have been a result of previous actions, chosen by one. No one is the victim of an arbitrary chance. The conscious Macrocosm does not play dice as humans do. Some say that the soul always chooses its incarnations in the phase between death and rebirth. I think that this is so but also what the conscious macrocosm gives us precisely for balancing our previous actions, whether we want it and accept it or not. All who are incarnated on earth have debts with the universe and will be paid by us. In the end no one escapes the law of compensation, of action and reaction, or karma and samskara.
A yogi once stated that the power of spirit is so real that if one is bit by a poisonous snake but with firm determination says “I am not poisoned” then one will not become sick. Only because something is difficult to understand for the masses does not make it untrue. This yogi understood higher laws but the lot of humanity live in materialistic and deterministic ignorance. The discovery of higher psyco-spiritual laws make so many physical determinants vacuous and vaporous, and make our modern science shallow and our medicine so crude. I have seen so many times how so called incurable diseases like cancer and AIDS have been eradicated by a radical, spiritual change of consciousness. People gained a little bit of spiritual, vertical insight into their illness and understood the deeper reasons and were cured. Perhaps few can comprehend this but that does not make it untrue.
The physical world is a product of Spirit. We create realities based on our limited mental projections and these projections always bounce back as our karmic reactions and such frustrations only serve to strengthen these cognitive barriers. We continue believing that these personal and collective projections are absolute until some great clash awakens our spirit and broadens our mental projections. I am not saying that viruses, deadly illnesses or poisons are not real, only that they exist on a cruder plane of reality. Change the mind and you change the body. Change the mind and you change the world.
The key to a strong immune system is a strong mind. What is immunity but the ability of the organism to distinguish between what is me and what is not me? At the mental level this distinction of self and not self corresponds to moral discernment. One knows who one is and what are one´s personal boundaries. Most people are confused about such questions and simply let others decide what is best for them. They place too much faith in their pastors, their doctors or their favourite authors or even actors. A strong and insightful mind with discernment knows the inner labyrinths of the mind, the weaknesses and pitfalls of the self and therefore self deception is more difficult. So much mental confusion due to self ignorance creates a state of constant tension and stress and the physical immune system is also weakened by this lack of discernment.
Biopsychology is not an abstract and intellectual science for the tantric yogi. It is an intuitive science based on direct experience. One enters into the Anahata Vortex or Heart Chakra and becomes one with the heart of the universe. From this center one connects with the Aerial Factor, the subtle vibrations of prana that radiate through the entire universe. Every human mind is a potential portal for this connection if only the desires of the mind are purified from narrow-mindedness and selfishness. When the mind vibrates with universal love and spiritual union there is a warm glow in the chest. One feels the physical heart very calm and also feels the thymus gland as a very soft radiation of soothing energy. All internal sufferings are healed and the radiation from this mind also affects the Anahata Vortex and the organs corresponding to that vortex in other beings. The yogi becomes first at one with the universe and enters the universal heart and naturally radiates this calm to others.
In meditation we learn to bring the mind to a small point inside the pineal gland, so small it becomes infinitesimal. All contents of the mind are brought to this sacred space and handed over in simple confidence that they will be received. Any fragmented and splintered part of the self brought into this space resounds back into spiritual life as resplendence. This flow of thought from the finite mind into the infinite consciousness makes one more and more conscious and one actually becomes the witness consciousness. The mind gets lost in essence. Consciousness is not an action of the mind but rather the essence of it. The mind takes the ideation of pure and infinite consciousness and actually becomes pure and infinite consciousness. I become nothing and desire nothing as the Infinite being takes this mind back into its essence. I let it worry about who I am and what I will do in this world. All of the sorrows of life that are clearly reconciled with the infinite no longer bind one and joy begins to emerge from all of those once dark places. The union of the mind with infinity is not a mere philosophical concept, but a lived experience in the eternal now. Joy and the full acceptance of relative existence are the end product, the final proof of the evolution of our minds and selves towards pure and infinite Consciousness.
I have known yogis whose universal love and power of discernment was so strong that they could heal others. Their immunity was so strong that they could take on the weight of others. They were liberated from their own actions and reactions and lived freely united with the divine macrocosm. Some had the ability to heal others spiritually, taking their karmic reactions of others into their own mind so that others can advance on the spiritual path. Although they were saints and had a lot of spiritual grace accompanying them, they had to pay debts as if they were their own debts. Action and reaction are mechanical forces that even God cannot change. God only guides us how to get out of our web of karma and if God himself were to take human form to atone for our reactions, then god would have to pay the debt in flesh and blood as well. My yogi friends suffered a lot doing this work. In fact, they sacrificed their lives so that others could come out of the darkness. Some were stronger and able to move more people while others could only help a few people, but they did so with a force beyond the personal mind, or microcosmic mind. They had the grace to understand and use the forces of the Macrocosmic mind. However, they all suffered personally in this process even though they had the strength and spiritual perspective to endure the pain, not fall, and actually digest and transmute what they took from others. Living and studying with them, I saw this dynamic up close and asked many questions. My first book, A Name To The Nameless, was an attempt to explain the dynamics of the mind from this point of view, albeit abstracted from personal context and explained in the theoretical format of the psychology of tantra yoga. I tried to remove my personal opinions and experiences from the writing and focus on the psychological and spiritual processes of the mind. My purpose was to map the soul and mind to help others understand their patterns of action and reaction, or karma and samskara. My second book, Microvita And Tantra Maya, was more personal, in the first person, writing about personal experiences and my opinions. My third book, Light And Dark Tantra, is about my friends and teachers and the tragedy that happened when they died and their spiritual society lost their benevolent influence.
After one begins to meditate sincerely and feel that life is deeply full of meaning one understands that life is a process of liberation from emotional and cognitive bondages. The individual is ultimately responsible for everything that happens and one´s inner attitudes and conditions determine what occurs in life. It is no longer possible to blame anybody or anything for our existential and spiritual state of being when one begins to understand the law of action and reaction. Instead, one is responsible for all of one´s past actions and the future requital of those actions and resigns to this universal law. Only then can there be freedom, freedom from the past and freedom to act in the future without the cloudy disturbances of past complexes and fears distorting actions that generate negative reactions. All spiritual people I know from all walks of life are on the path of this realization, no matter what their philosophies. True spirituality connects one to the essence of life and the underlying spiritual laws that govern human existence and people who are aligned with the essence of their lives will always discover deeper, universal laws.
If this understanding of self responsibility is realized to be true after one becomes spiritually mature, does it not also mean that the law of action and reaction was also active before one was aware of it? All of the past suffering, inner chaos and disorder in life is not happenstance, but reactions to our previous actions. It is a terribly heavy idea. We often think of people as victims that have been treated unfairly in an unjust world where there is no real sense of order and justice. And when the idea is presented that people are responsible for their own suffering sounds very cruel, like conservatives and racists that feel no sense of responsibility for bettering the lives of the less fortunate. I do not say that the law of karma should make one passive and insensitive to the suffering of others because “they deserve it, karmically.” Rather, it is to note that while trying to help other people it is important to understand that a part of their being is deeply tied to their suffering and to try to liberate it is to entangle oneself with something much more complex than a difficult personal history or tragic social injustices that harm one and inhibit personal growth. There is also the mental pattern that one carries into these situations, certain attitudes and charged mental forces that resonate with these individual and social circumstances. Some self-destructive “a priori” mental pattern accompanies their lived experiences, pre-disposing them to some suffering in life.
Teaching meditation to me was always a great joy, although very difficult at times. Some people just needed a little instruction and guidance and they advanced very well by their own discipline and inspiration. The good results of just a little discipline inspired them onward in their spiritual practice. Having the perspective of remaining in the “witness” state of consciousness as they learned in meditation helped them understand the clashes that life would inevitably bring their way. They could see the deeper meaning of a situation and the lesson to be learned because they were able to stay in a calm center and this state of calmness always guided one intuitionally through a situation. And with each clash there is greater cohesion in the inner mind and an understanding of the laws of the mind and spirit. Everybody gets stuck now and then but a good meditator usually finds the answers they need in their meditation but also by associating with like-minded people in a similar path. We are all much more similar than different and people with a little more experience and time on the spiritual path can share their experiences with others to help guide them forward.
Teaching people who are already in the process of “self-actualization” is all too easy. They take on their own existential burdens. However, not many people advance so easily. Most carry more baggage and this is always more work for the teacher. Many people need help and seek relief for their existential maladies, but not everybody is ready to go deeply into themselves via tantra yoga or other really strong approaches to meditation and spiritual discipline. This is only possible by combining a lot of psychotherapy techniques along with the spiritual practices. Some people may need something akin to therapy, others just need to talk and address their issues with a trusted guide, while some people just need to be inspired by some good ideas. When one is in a spiritual society it is important that there is a culture of spirituality available to all with sufficient emotional and intellectual tools for the community.
Unfortunately, this is where things become very difficult and where so many spiritual societies end up becoming religions or cults. Instead of having effective techniques of spiritual practice there enter ideas of inclusiveness and privilege for those on the inside. They follow behind some charismatic leader and instead of really doing their own inner work, they take refuge in the prestige of the teacher or their group. They may learn the spiritual lingo and repeat it like parrots while trying to make an impression on newcomers. Here, one simply develops the same prejudices in mundane social life that make the ego feel superior or empowered. The underlying sense of inferiority is covered up by self aggrandizement but these complexes are never really transmuted. Eventually all of these masks will fall and one is left even more lost and confused.
After 2012 and my writings about the narco war more people wanted to come into contact with me. I was like a hermit who hardly left the desert where I had built my home and a small community. I was working with an indigenous healer who saw herself as my manager and was jealous of anybody who became close to me, people who became my students and friends. Although quite an intuitive and effective healer, her emotional insecurities eventually got the best of her.
My friend was a very influential person with the Zapatistas. She was deeply distressed by the sexual misconduct of the male leaders in the movement, namely those of Subcomandante Marcos. She began to have deep resentments towards men, especially men in situations of power who had attractive qualities.
Also, the situation with a yoga society she was involved with started going down quickly. I had left that society long ago but she still had some associations with them. All we encountered were criminal and sexual scandals. She became enraged over this and often her rage carried over to me, and perhaps even all men. I became all the more the playboy in her mind each time she heard of these monastic scandals. Later, when we began to encounter homosexual scandals with the monks, she really lost control. She never expressed hatred toward gays before this but later started to see homosexuals around every corner, and eyed them with hatred.
Eventually she started telling me that a group of students who are doctors helping the rural communities of Chiapas were really a band of sexual perverts and basically behaved like a group of Roman senators in togas. This was her effort to get me to despise them. I found it hard to believe. Later, she started to accuse me of perversions and saying I was trying to manipulate people sexually. Yet at the same time she went around praising me and telling people I was the incarnation of Quetzalcoatl.
I can sympathize with her anger toward “machismo” within and without of her yoga society. I did not like it either. It provoked a lot of repulsion in me too. Repulsion is a subtle tendency (at the Vishuddha level). Essentially, it is a protection of one´s discernment (Viveka) and keeps harmful expressions away. There may be moral grounds to feel repulsion toward immoral activities that truly cause harm to people, yet one has to be careful not to fall into hatred. Then, one´s heightened sense of morality can indeed become an expression of immorality if one begins to judge and slander other people. Once hatred has taken hold of the mind then enters fear and paranoia. To entertain such negative ideas and emotions in the mind actually makes the mind resonate with these energies. Mind has the peculiar quality to become one with its objects of attachment. The same negativity that one attaches to becomes part of one´s own mind.
Due to this I was forced to try and understand something I had not given a lot of effort to understanding. I also saw many homosexual expressions as something really imbalanced, however, I really did not see them as so much different than heterosexual hyper sexuality in the form of “free love” and open sexual relationships. Whether heterosexual or homosexual these sexual indulgences always create more suffering than pleasure and cause degeneration. Unlike her, I could not condemn them but I tried to see their higher consciousness beyond their impulses and distortions. One must understand that our social world is degenerated with so much narcissism, hedonism, materialism and hyper sexuality that create so many psychological complexes. Also, I saw that there were more mature and responsible homosexuals that contained their sexual expressions with other homosexuals in a more responsible manner. How could I condemn them if these homosexuals were even more responsible than heterosexuals who practiced the hypocrisy of “free love” and went around harming others with their selfish impulses? Yet on the other hand I cannot assert, as some religious homosexual activist do, that God simply made them that way. I think if God were to create homosexuals or guide evolution creatively, then such a God would have given more appropriate organs for homosexual expressions, especially with male homosexuals who practice sodomy. The anus is simply an excretory organ that is not divinely designed for healthy sexual activity. I certainly believe that divine compassion is for all and that God does not judge anybody for anything, but that homosexuality just like other human mental adjustments and complexes are of our own making, our own history of karmic actions and reactions. God has nothing to do with the creation of homosexuality yet divine compassion can touch and transform all parts of our being.
Also, some of her followers had certain homosexual confusions. I saw them as heterosexuals with slight homosexual tendencies. Intuitionally, I saw their minds had some strong complexes in the second chakra, the svadhistana. I always saw that male homosexuals had two very strong propensities in the svadhistana: lack of confidence and compulsion. These emotional and energetic imbalances distort the svadhistana´s libido, cause the pranic or energetic flow of the mind to move downward (toward the first chakra), and overstimulate the first chakra by creating the confusion that the anus is an erogenous zone. In the case of people with slight homosexual tendencies, they often resolved their homosexual tendencies by seeing these underlying complexes in their minds with the help of meditation, yoga exercises and the study of yogic bio psychology. It certainly was not easy to become aware of such unconscious tendencies rooted in the base of the personality and it was a lot of work on my part to guide them through the process, but I did see that these people eventually became heterosexuals with healthy relationships. This is a process much more refined than the “Pray The Gay Away” dogmas that harmed many people by making them more repressed and guilty about a homosexuality that never disappeared or was successfully transmuted into heterosexuality. I saw that many people could become completely heterosexual by processing their complexes in the svadhistana, but not all.
In short, I always tried to treat homosexuals as I do other people. If they express sexual imbalances then I try not to see it as so different than heterosexual imbalances. If they are more mature, conscious, and responsible I simply recommended monogamy and a mature, compassionate relationship just as I recommend to heterosexuals.
Spiritual practice with yogic meditation depends so much upon understanding yoga psychology which also includes bio-psychology. Bio-psychology in this sense is understanding how the non material mind acts in synchronicity with the material body. It is not just the abstract understanding of how the mind connects with the glands and organs of the body but rather a practical understanding of this science with the end of bringing tranquility to the mind. In order to calm the mind it is necessary to confront one´s bio-psychological complexes, the unconscious drives and impulses that affect one´s peace of mind. Meditation is not an escape from these complexes. Meditation is the cure for all existential complexes. In the beginning of this process the mind is working more with biological desires and fundamental existential issues like self worth and establishing a positive self image by keeping the mind in a healthy and balanced state that is full of purpose and meaning. Without confronting the blind impulses one remains stuck in them and adjusts life according to their governance, which in the end is but “a raging bundle of desire in a dying animal.”
Instead of studying biology or endocrinology a yogi uses the mind to consciously reflect upon the body. Mental blockages also have bio-psychological “energetic” blocks which can be understood and also acted upon by the contemplative mind. According to yoga psychology the mind uses the brain as its seat and moves throughout the central nervous system. It has several nexus with the physical body in places where the nervous system branches out of the spinal column to control the glands and organs of the body. Traditionally, these centers have been called “chakras.” Yogis consider them whirling vortexes of subtle energy that the concentrated mind can perceive and feel and even influence with concentrated thinking and imagination. I prefer to call these centers “vortexes” because the word chakra now has so many flaky new age dogmas attached to it. I wrote “A Name To The Nameless” as an attempt to explain my understanding of these centers and how to develop the mind body system in the practice of yogic mediation.
Understanding sexuality is essential to peace of mind and spiritual development. Human psychological issues are rooted in our relationship with other people and we seek to have deeper relationships with other humans the more we grow and develop. Of course when there is a sexual element in these relationships they become all the more complex.
Modern biology has a developed understanding of how testosterone effects brain development. Not only is it responsible for sexual desires but it is also related to aggression. Yoga psychology recognizes this as well but also proposes that a properly balanced second “chakra” or “svadhistana” vortex (which corresponds to the genital organs) also helps one develop the foundations of self confidence and rationality. A balanced second vortex (svadhistana means self-establishment) expresses balanced sexuality and with self confidence and rationality established within the personality there is less need of the self defense mechanism of aggression. An imbalanced second chakra is fixated on sexuality with all kinds of psychological complexes propelling sexual behavior. Sometimes people use sex to cover insecurities or express aggression and domination while others are ignorant of other pleasures and indulge in sexuality as if it were the only true desire in life. The imbalanced second chakra is the root of machismo or toxic masculinity. Only humans who do the work of deep self reflection and take moral responsibility for their blind impulses can make any spiritual advancement. The reason why spirituality is so rare on the planet is because most people still have not resolved their fundamental sexual and self confidence issues.
I already wrote A Name To The Nameless as a theoretical structure. When I think of that old work I often relate those ideas with the life I have lived and the people whom I have met since then. A friend once suggested that I write a practical commentary for this theoretical work. Maybe this is the beginning of the endeavor?
Revisiting the second or “svadhistana” vortex reminds me of how I once met a follower of this healer, an educated young man who thought my neutered donkey who still chased around the lady donkeys might have miraculously grown a new pair. He had very high qualifications while he was in high school and so I thought he was joking but he actually believed it. I told him to examine the donkey and see if he could find the new pair. Obviously, he could not, but he said that perhaps some pieces of his testicles maintained within. I mockingly said that perhaps he originally really had three jewels and the veterinarian with his preconceived ideas only removed two and one actually remained to continue fueling those wild donkey desires. He said “maybe so.” Such was his desperation to affirm his belief in some transcendental reality where miracles are possible. He was an attractive young man with a lovable personality but he struggled to find a girl friend. I knew he had romantic longings but something inside of him either shut out or was afraid of expressing himself and his feelings toward women.
I always suspected that his issues were related with what Sigmund Freud called “castration anxiety,” the anxiety and fear of what will happen to him if he becomes vulnerable by letting this inner part of him out into some form of expression. Castration is symbolic of having your desires cut off from full expression by the fear of rejection. I think his fanciful ideas were fueled by his sexual repressions. Some people thought he was a closet case homosexual. Some very potent and valid need inside of him needed to mature so as to liberate his mind from this tension so that his rationality could develop more completely so that the head and heart are equally balanced. His wild ideas only became more sound and grounded when he found a female companion years later. In the beginning of his awakening I could see an animal desire awakening within him and instead of being timid he became a little too cocky and assertive. The animal was reconciling itself with the human. Fortunately, love was governing his development and these expressions seemed to be just and adjustment to some newly awakened force within him.
People have so many wishes with biases and preconceived conceptions and seek to have them affirmed by outside sources, whether they are UFOs, conspiracy theories, or somebody who believes in X-File cases of miraculous donkey testicle regrowth. With irrationality the mind is desperately trying to impose some kind of meaningful order upon the inner chaos of uncertainty and self doubt. Anything that contradicts these biases are simply ignored. Sometimes they are laughable cases and seem innocent and harmless. But what happens when this fantasy bias is transferred into other aspects of existence, into one´s religious or political beliefs, motivating one to rally behind some politician, believe in conspiracy theories, or affirm a belief in some god and scriptures? This is where comedy becomes tragedy and where depth psychology is necessary as a tool to help humanity discover what forces actually guide our minds.
Is the same structure of irrational belief behind the casting of the vote or one´s attendance in church? The difference is just a difference in degree and not in kind. People from the Heaven´s Gate cult were all well educated computer programmers. They could perform complex logical cognitive activities by maintaining computer systems while at the same time follow a nut case guru that convinced them to castrate themselves and commit collective suicide before being beamed up into a passing comet! I suspect that even the most elaborate belief systems have something of this biased fantasy element to some degree or another and that only existential insecurity and a lack of confidence in oneself (a castrated confidence) maintain them. And for so long do we keep the flame of hope glowing through all of the scandals and contradictions that emerge from these bio-psychological projections.
Once there was a young woman with AIDS. She was in the clinic for a few days and interacting with us. She behaved like a perfect lady toward me. Near her I felt really heavy and dirty inside my mind, like I had been living a totally different life than my own. The young woman began to feel better and believed that I was helping her. I personally had very little interaction with her but the healer told her that it was I who was indeed helping her. Later, she was cured and began to change her life-style. On other occasions there were other young women with emotional and sexual problems that affected their internal feminine organs. It was very strange and interesting to see inside of their minds, to resonate with organs that I do not have. Again, I felt a little heavy for a few days but these people always healed and changed their lives. I hardly ever interacted with these people because the work was so heavy and I knew that they had a lot of gratitude and could project a lot of emotional transference toward me. In the beginning the healer always said that I was doing the work of the guru and that I was even the incarnation of Quetzalcoatl! Later, she would become jealous of people`s respect for me and I went from being Quetzalcoatl to Casanova, and instead of healing their internal organs she said I was actually manipulating their external feminine organs.
There are many hidden powers along the path of mental-spiritual evolution, and also many hidden dangers. Sometimes when a spiritual aspirant has a potent mind and an honest personality he or she is tested with a little occult power. Because truth can be seen a little more clearly through a developed mind such a developed mind is given the capacity to see even more truth. Perhaps they begin to see the future of people or see into the suffering of their minds and have the ability to even heal others. Initially this endowment of mental force by the Macrocosm is for the sake of individual and collective evolution. The more one advances on the spiritual path the more personal sacrifice is required. Really, it is not sacrifice when there remains little selfish desire and one truly seeks the welfare of others. However, no evolutionary process is entirely complete and one must always struggle to remove limitations. If during the development of psychic powers there still remains some self-centred desire, then these powers may become a very dangerous obstacle and even a cause for spiritual downfall.
My friend got into trouble when she became a channeller. Her information was always surprisingly accurate. She could know secret details about the private lives of her patients. Time and time again she was right on the mark. I believe this worked for her when she was only channelling one strong microvita, or disencarnate spiritual force. However, with time she began to channel other forces. At the same time she became more famous and her ego became too powerful and imperious. Gradually, she began to lose her power and her mental equilibrium, a form of psychic schizophrenia like a wizard trapped in a tower. Fortunately, she lost her power before she entirely lost her mind. It is a blessing that the Macrocosm takes occult power away from people when they misuse it.
I began to learn about microvita, or discarnate spiritual force, while studying with Chidghananda in India. In the process of healing one may connect with certain microvita in order to get information on how to heal another mind. This information and spiritual force is useful in that the distorted mental patterns that create physical illness do not affect the healer. This is not the same as channelling. Channelling is when one opens one´s mind as a vehicle for discarnate force and one´s will is suspended while the will of the microvita takes temporary control of the mind and body. Channelling is always a dangerous and inferior healing process that eventually creates mental imbalances. A strong healer does not succumb to the “possession” of the spiritual force that helps in the process, nor does the strong healer succumb to the mental patterns that create illness in the mind of the one being healed. Instead, a spiritual healer connects to the information and force of microvita to use it in the process of healing. This proper use of spiritual force helps diminish the influence of the negative patterns of the mind being healed upon the mind of the healer.
Spiritual healing and working with microvita is not so much different in principle than leadership in the mundane social world. A leader must be open and receptive to his or her subordinates. One must be understanding and take into account all opinions. However, a leader must have the strength to make decisions based on a greater discernment and insight that, while being considerate to all opinions, must have the strength to decide and override divergent aims when the decisive moment arrives. A weak leader may be too influenced by all of the voices one hears and cannot make clear decisions because one wants to please everybody and has no strong resolve. Similarly, a weak healer may be overcome by the influences of the infirm mental patterns and may become ill while trying to transmute them. The weak healer may also invoke a discarnate force or microvita to do the healing work through their own mind and body. Ramakrishna made a very relevant analogy when referring to a weak guru as a small serpent trying to swallow a fish but cannot and both the serpent and the fish are stuck in a process of suffering. The serpent cannot swallow and the fish remains squirming in its jaws. A strong guru is one who can swallow it in one bite.